"That's liposuction!" exclaimed D.J. out of the blue, perfectly illustrating his penchant for non sequiturs.
"What?" I said.
"I said that's liposuction!"
"Uh, okay. Where'd you learn that word from?"
"From T.V. There was a show about it one time. They suck the fat out of your butt. And then they stick it in your forehead. I saw a guy on T.V. get that done."
"Are you talking about Geraldo Rivera?"
" I don't know his name."
"Probably was. Anyway, what's liposuction -- I mean, what do you mean by, 'That's liposuction'?"
"This toy." D.J. held out a remote control car.
"What's liposuction about it?"
"It sucks. Like liposuction."
I laughed. "Okay, so what's so liposuction about it?"
"It doesn't work right. I think it needs new batteries."
I got D.J. a new set of batteries, which indeed solved the problem.
***
A couple of weeks later, D.J. had a new expression.
"That's colonial village!" he exclaimed.
"What?" I responded.
"I said, 'That's colonial village!'"
"Okay, D.J. ... What's colonial village?"
"I can't have any Flaming Hot Cheetos." The kids were being served small bags of these spicy delicacies for their afternoon snack.
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
"His mom won't let him have any," Drew spoke up. Drew was one of my shift coworkers. He was a large man with a lumberjack beard and a wolf tattooed on his hairy chest. He usually wore a flannel shirt and a tattered tan canvass baseball cap.
"Why not?" I asked.
"Because it apparently makes his lips break out in cold sores."
"That's colonial village!" D.J. responded.
I laughed. "Okay, now what's up with this phrase, 'colonial village'?"
"It's what it is. It's colonial village," said D.J.
Drew added, "We took them on an outing to this place called Colonial Village the other day after school. He's been saying that name ever since."
"Oh, I see," I said.
"What's a matter with you, son?" I said to D.J. "You got Tourette's or something?" I was joking.
"Yes."
"What? You do?"
"Yup, I've been diagnosed with a slight case of it."
"Oh. Sorry."
"Mr. Dave, you're colonial village!"
"And you're liposuction, D.J."
********
© 2007 David Lee Cummings
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2 comments:
I've read all of these several times--great writing... now I am just waiting for more!!
There is much more, years of this stuff. I think I could have a hundred individual stories to tell by the time I am done.
What about a sitcom based on the life and times of these kids? Kind of a "Scrubs" but about the staff and kids of the Orphanage ... It could be called "Our Little Angels" or something like that.
Why not?
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